Monday, March 21, 2011

Racist Maori Jokes

Being a New Zealander I thought that this required a seperate entry.  Maori's by the way are the indigenous peoples of New Zealand.  Originally they were refered to as New Zealand Aborigine's but that got changed out of sympathy to Australian Aborigines who didnt like to be associated with the ones here in New Zealand.

Q: What’s black and white and rolls down a hill?
A: A Maori and a seagull fighting over a fish head

Q: How many pall bearers do you need at a Maori funeral?
A: It only takes one person to push a wheelie bin

Rangi was standing on the door step watching Tama collecting the rubbish.
As Tama went by he yells out to Rangi
“Hey bro where’s you bin”??
Rangi replies, “I bin in Australia”
“NO” replies Tama “where’s your wheelie bin”?
“Oh I wheelie bin in jail, but I like to tell people I bin in Australia.”

Q: You own a three-story house. The top floor is rented to a family of Maoris, the middle floor to Pakehas (European New Zealanders), and the basement is used as a rumpus room. One day, there’s a massive earthquake and your entire house collapses. Who survived?
A: The Pakehas, they were at work.

Q: What did the Maori say to the Jew?
A: Heeebroo

Q: How do you get ten Maoris into a mini?
A: Put some fish and chips in there
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Tell them they have to pay

Q: Why shouldn’t you throw rocks at a Maori on a bike?
A: Cause the bikes probably yours

Q: How can you tell when a Maori has lost his virginity?
A: You see it on Crimewatch   ~ a TV show about real life crime, like america's most wanted.
Q: What does a Maori use for protection during sex?
A: A balaclava and a shotgun

Q: A car filled with a Maori family was driving up a steep, winding mountain road. There were two in the front, and three in the back. All of a sudden the car lost control, and skidded off the side of the road, killing everyone in the car. What is the sad part of this story?
A: They could have fit two more in the boot.

Q: Why is New Zealand like a box of matches?
A: The black ones don't work.

Q: How do you stop a Moari watching tv?
A: Close your curtains.

Q: What is the Maori word for car aerial?
A: Koatanga (Coat Hanger)
Q: What's the biggest Marae in NZ?
A: Mt Eden Prison.  ~ Marae is like a village, Mt Eden prison is a prison.
Q: What do you call 4 pakehas surrounded by 400 maori's?
A: Prison wardens.


  1. great post. looking forward to reading your next one

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  2. Haha, I loved the one about throwing the rocks at the bike

  3. Haha all good jokes

  4. OOOh these are hella racist. But I like! Followed!

  5. Haha these are pretty funny. A little racy to look at at work, but still pretty funny :P

    Also, Followed :)

  6. Not everyone would probably get these but as a fellow Kiwi I can say it's funny stuff.

    1. Nz isn't that bad and Maori's weren't originally known as australia's aboriginals, Pakeha were trying to put Maoris under aboriginals, but then they looked at they're cultures, i don't know why we have labels we're all humans, i mean i'm american that loves the maori culture!

  7. I guess I need to read up on NZ....

  8. these are kinda funny. Liked the tv one.

  9. haha also liked the tv one, will be back for more thanks for sharing!

  10. Nice theme, I happen to have the same theme on my blog! :)

  11. Replies
    1. you rude incensitive bastard these aint true its fuck racism im reporting this blog !

  12. I am a new zealand maori lucky they're only jokes

  13. i am disgusted at these jokes , this is racially incensitive and its pathetic grow up !!

  14. I'm Maori but there still funny

  15. Im Maori n therez nothing racist bwt ths blog.. Heck i tell da cuzzies half thes jokes..
    we love dat we cn laugh at ourselves.

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. whats the chewiest part of a coconut?..the jandles

  18. whats the difference between a maori and a samoan? wears a lavalava the other one wears a balaclava

  19. Q: How long dose it take a honkey lady to have a shit
    A: 9 Months

  20. If i eva come face to face with u editor ill kill u...straight up...hate racists remarks bout my family...hope yous have a nice day.