Thursday, March 24, 2011

French

Being a New Zealander I have a particular distaste for the french.  I like to call them francefags.  Following the creation of our country they are the only nation to carry out a military strike in New Zealand.  Not even the Australians have bothered to try.

Here is the wikipedia article on their attack.

French being french, they got caught then forced us to hand them back to them where they were promptly released. 

Q: when was the last good french barbecue?
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc

Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German

"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".

Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.

Q. Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France
A. Because they don't smell like crap

Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits

Q. What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A. Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.

The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy

Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q. Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A. Because it doesn't really exist.

Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting without an accordian.

A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

Q. How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris?
A. Nobody knows, its never been tried before

Q. What do you do if you see 90,000 dead french-men?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!

Q. Wy don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A. He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French


Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing

Q. Did you hear about the French helicopter crash?
A. The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q. What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A. A bisexual.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller


Someone requested jokes about Russians, that one could take me a while due to that country being so mucked up these  days and will probably involve a lot of writing on my part.  

16 comments:

  1. lmao followed. excellent blog and you barely have anything posted

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  2. OMG that was hilarious the French flag picture that is going on facebook for sure

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  3. Lol those crazy Frenchmen! :P Following.

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  4. haha the "how to make a french flag" picture got me

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  5. Ahaha these are great! Didn't get some of them though.. Check out my new blog, puzzledyet.blogspot.com if you haven't already!

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  6. awesome, nice post!

    + follower:)

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  7. HOHOHO...oui oui oui! c'est le bleu bleu wokka wokka wokka baguette!

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  8. You are a pathetic loser. The French owned the Germans in WW1(I have nothing against Germans. I think they are awesome), and even put the Limeys to respect us. We French are equal to every country in the world, and we don't insult and make fun of races like you little idiot. At least we don't stroll around naked, throwing pieces of wood and training it to come back to you. I honestly have nothing against New Zealanders except you. You are the type if idiot everyone wants to laugh at. If you say the French are weak, you are weaker, because you have low self-esteem and you aren't confident of yourself. And that's why you pick on the French. You are such an idiot, with no life, nor brain. I wonder what your parents think of you. You should be a respectful adult, but in fact, turned out to be a worthless fool. You should never talk bad about French food, coz your profile name has the word "CRAP" in it. Idiot.

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